


there's a joke to be made here

by BloodstainedBlonde



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Poor North, but he's all for it, underestimated!wash, who's actually totally a sex god but nobody would think so, yeah the freelancers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 21:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1702730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodstainedBlonde/pseuds/BloodstainedBlonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Sorry, Carolina. My sister stopped me in the hall with a message about Washington wearing nothing but a towel, and that’s something I just had to see.’ </p><p>‘North?’ C.T managed, blinking at him. </p><p>The sharpshooter simply gave Wash a clear-intentioned once over, eyes lingering appraisingly for a very long moment on where the towel dipped low around his waist, before he turned and walked out the door.</p><p>It was silent except for the sound of Maine quietly beginning to laugh. </p><p>Wash, bright red from the tips of his ears to the flush of his neck and with nothing to hide it, hitched his towel up and all but ran from the room. </p><p>---</p><p>North's interested, Carolina's annoyed, York's confused but willing to place bets and Wash isn't quite as oblivious as he seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there's a joke to be made here

**Author's Note:**

> so this was based off a text post on tumblr that I recently found: [here](http://the-meta.tumblr.com/post/85388635845/punishandenslavesuckers-wash-getting-offended) \- and here's this product of it. i took creative license with the ending because c'mon, they totally had to bang.  
> might even get around to actually writing them banging someday.  
> who knows.  
> ALSO I CANT DECIDE ON A DAMN SUMMARY SO
> 
> ready & review, yo

Wash was starving.

Like, he could die any minute if he didn’t get food, starving.

Sort of. Alright, he had breakfast a few hours ago, and scoffed a few things since then, but he was hungry right _now._

And right _now,_ there was something between him and his food.

‘And what the fuck are you supposed to be?’ he muttered, standing up from where he’d been rummaging through the fridge and extracting a sad looking object.

He held the nameless shape out with a look of disgust, unmatched by all except Wyoming, who was peering at the atrocity as if its very existence was offending him.

‘York,’ Wash called, keeping his voice level and calm.

‘Mm?’ York’s response rung out from where the infiltrations specialist was comfortably splayed over two chairs.

‘What… the _fuck…_ is this?’

‘Looks like it’s an old banana, lad,’ Wyoming declared, leaning back as Wash jerked it in his direction.

‘Thanks, I _noticed_.’

‘A very old one at that,’

‘ _Thank you._ York,-’

‘Old as balls.’

‘… _Stop,_ Wyoming. Seriously, York what the fuck is it doing in the fridge?’

‘I haven’t the faintest.’ York shrugged, but the tiniest quirk to his lips gave him away.

‘No, okay, whatever it is, this is where it stops. I’ll call Carolina.’

York gaped at him. ‘Wha- Are you- You’re not serious,’ he spluttered.

Wash shrugged, ‘Worth it. She gets to yell at you, and I get to watch. _And_ I don’t have to put up with _this’_ he gestured to the banana, ‘contaminating our only source of cooling food.’

‘C’mon, it’s not like it’s hurting anybody! It’s just-’

‘Two seconds, York, I swear.’

‘It’s like you’re twelve.’ York sighed, lifting himself up with a sigh and dragging himself over to where Wash stood. ‘Honestly, Wash, I thought you of all people would see the humour in it.’

‘What humour?! _It’s a rotten banana!’_

‘Exactly,’ York nodded, as if Wash had just confirmed something.

‘Give it up, lad.’ Wyoming advised gravely. ‘York will never be funny. He doesn’t even appreciate my knock knock jokes.’

‘Right. Like they’re the height of humour,’ York responded dryly.

Wash sighed and threw the banana at York.

The older man screeched, catching it by the least mouldy looking bit and holding it out from his body. ‘ _Oh,_ ’ he breathed, gaze flicking up to meet Wash’s with a challenge, ‘You did _not_ just do that.’

Wash ducked on pure survival instinct (he was positive he’d die if that thing got anywhere _near_ his face) and only avoided getting totally destroyed because York froze when North walked in. South, who was at his side, immediately broke away from her brother to scavenge the fridge.

‘It smells like old people in here,’ she complained, grabbing some food and backing away to the table.

‘South…’ North admonished, but he too sniffed the air and pulled a face. ‘What’s going on here?’

‘York’s trying to rub banana in my face.’ Wash accused, and ducked away to hide behind North when York darted forward threateningly.

‘Come on, now,’ North started, giving York a look.

‘He started it!’

‘Thank you, North.’ Wash said smugly, pulling a very mature face at York from behind the sharpshooter.

‘Don’t pick on the rookie.’

Wash only considered himself just above _whining_ at the older man, but he felt his lip pull into a pout anyway.

York snorted at him, He saw Wyoming roll his eyes and South gave him a look that all but screamed ‘massive baby’ in his face, but he ignored it. He just pouted again, and he saw North turn and smile at him.

Really, _really_ smile.

Like, a smile so full of fondness and caring and a sense of endearment that Wash wasn’t sure what to do with himself. But then North was just smiling at him in that way North usually had for everything and Wash felt himself shoot a smile back and turn back to the counter, back to where he’d been trying to make a decent lunch.

‘Yeah, yeah, North. Stick up for the new guy.’ York complained, disposing of the poor banana.

Wash threw the knife down exasperatedly. ‘I’m not new anymore! I’ve been here forever!’

‘You know me,’ North smiled, completely ignoring the younger Freelancer. ‘I have a protective streak, and some people just need protecting. Especially from the likes of you.’

Wash spluttered indignantly, unable to comprehend this. ‘ _Protecting?_ I don’t need protecting!’

‘He is the youngest here,’ York shrugged, and finally ambled off to annoy someone else.

‘Yes,’ North murmured, lips shaping around the word. He turned to face Wash, who was watching York throw himself down next to South and immediately begin bothering her. ‘He is _._ ’

‘Yeah, whatever,’ Wash muttered. He completely missed the way North sidled slightly closer, leaning against the counter in a way that made his shirt ride up above the top of his pants. He continued to throw together his lunch, anger simmering slightly in his veins as he bitched under his breath.

‘Now, Wash,’ North said to him, ‘You know he didn’t mean anything by it.’

‘Look how much I don’t care.’ Wash shot back, and turned to put the remaining items back in the fridge. North’s eyes followed him as he bent over, shoving the butter behind the containers up front. ‘We seriously need to clean this fridge out.’

He stood and shut the fridge before turning around, so distracted in his thoughts as they drifted between pissed off at York and how bad that fridge needed a damn clean, _honestly,_ that he barely managed to stop in time before he walked right into North.

As it was, he stumbled, and North’s warm hands caught him to steady him, one lying hot on his shoulder and the other on his waist.

‘ _Shit,_ North. I didn’t even see you there. I thought you were behind the counter, Jesus.’

‘Sorry, Wash,’ the sharpshooter said softly, smiling down at him. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you.’ Immediately, he felt Wash stiffen under his hands. ‘Now, I didn’t mean it like that,’ he reassured, and after a second he felt Wash relax.

‘Yeah, alright.’

He realised North was still holding onto him, warmth emanating from the points of contact, but as soon as it registered North was letting go.

‘It’s just, you _are_ the youngest here… How old are you, Wash?’

‘Old enough.’ Wash replied vaguely, eyebrow rising.

‘I see,’ the older freelancer chuckled. ‘Well, York wasn’t joking when he said I have a protective streak. I like to… take care… of people who need me.’

It could almost be creepy, if it wasn’t so _North._ It was just natural.

But Wash felt his lip drop a bit anyway, subconsciously frowning at the implication that he couldn’t take care of himself. ‘I don’t need protecting.’ he repeated, because honestly, he might be the youngest and the worst fighter here, but he could still single-handedly take down dozens of highly trained soldiers.

Stupid North. Stupid York. Stupid older freelancers that thought just because he was the worst fighter here that he needed-

He was drawn out of his thoughts by North’s thumb on his pouting lower lip, trailing gently from one side to the other. He froze.

‘Of course not,’ the older man said, but his voice was low enough to be a whisper and held undertones of something that sent shivers up Wash’s spine. ‘But I’d like to take care of you anyway.’

And with that he pulled away, thumb lingering on Wash’s lower lip for a second more before turning completely to face the room in front.

York and South were staring with identical expressions of surprise and shock. Wyoming had one eyebrow delicately raised, but when North met his gaze with a slight smile he just raised his hands a tiny bit in a gesture of surrender and lowered his eyes to what he’d been reading.

Satisfied, North just walked out the door, still smiling, and left Wash staring after him in his wake.

York recovered first, a sly smile starting to cross his features as Wyoming peeked back up from his book, but South was the first to speak.

‘What the fuck was that?’

  
\----

 

‘I swear to God,’ Wash started, but when Carolina glared right at him with a zero tolerance expression on her face, he cut short of his threat and instead made a whining noise.

‘Rookie, shut up. Come on.’

The order was issued by C.T, who hadn’t even bothered to lift her head to look at him, instead gesturing vaguely in his direction before allowing her hand to flop back into position.

Wash felt a twitch in his jaw.

They’d taken his clothes. York had stolen his clothes out of the shower and left him running around nothing but a towel, and nobody, _nobody,_ was doing a damn thing to help him.

‘Seriously. Where. Are. My. Clothes.’ he grit out, but those around him chose to ignore him in favour of whatever report was on the channel.

‘You know, you’re out here bugging us when you could be going and getting changed.’ Carolina finally suggested, sick of watching him stand around in nothing but a towel, complaining.

‘It’s the matter of the thing! He keeps taking my clothes! It’s like the tenth time, and it’s not even funny!’

‘I’m sure you’ll-’

‘And I never get them back! They disappear off the face of the goddamn earth and I’ve lost my favourite shirt to him. Can’t you make him-’

‘He’s not my dog, Washington,’ Carolina growled. ‘If you have a problem, I suggest you fix it.’

It was clear she was sick of his shit. But goddamn it, Wash was sick of York’s shit. So instead of going to get more clothes like he should have, or hunting York down and skinning him like he wanted to, Wash flopped down next to Maine on the couch and promptly immersed himself in the news.

South stared. She got up and left the room, and she didn’t return.

Despite the looks he could feel being shot his way, Wash was doing well at ignoring them all until North wandered in, a curious expression on his face.

He stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of Wash, and he stared, too.

Wash glanced at him for a second and went back to whatever they were watching. ‘You know, you and South look almost exactly the same when you look at me like that.’ he commented dryly, and ignored the ‘No shit, asshole, they’re _twins_ ’ directed at him from C.T.

‘Yeah…’ North said, and something in his expression changed when Wash looked at him. It flicked from absent curiosity to something almost predator like, and Wash watched as his gaze roamed shamelessly over his shirtless torso.

‘Are you gunna stand there all day or are you going to sit down?’ Carolina asked flatly. She made it that bit more polite solely for the sake that it was North, and almost everyone except South couldn’t help toning down the bitch to him. If it was anyone else, they’d be out the door and on their asses by now.

‘Sorry, Carolina. My sister stopped me in the hall with a message about Washington wearing nothing but a towel, and that’s something I just had to see.’

Everybody stopped.

Nobody had been moving much to begin with, but there’s a difference between idle stillness and freezing in surprise.

‘North?’ C.T managed, blinking at him.

The sharpshooter simply gave Wash a clear-intentioned once over, eyes lingering appraisingly for a very long moment on where the towel dipped low around his waist, before he turned and walked out the door.

It was silent except for the sound of Maine quietly beginning to laugh.

Wash, bright red from the tips of his ears to the flush of his neck and with nothing to hide it, hitched his towel up and all but ran from the room.

  
  
\----

 

‘So. You and North, huh?’

‘York.’

‘I mean, I’m not that surprised, but-’

‘North and I- There’s nothing going on there.’

‘Really.’ York left no room for doubt in his voice. He wasn’t buying it.

‘I’m dead serious! He just- He’s being, y’know… But I’ve never even…’

Finally, York switched his gaze from doubtful to considerate. ‘So you’ve got nothing going on with him?’

‘No! There’s nothing to suspect, really- I don’t know, he’s just… yeah.’ York snickered under his breath. Wash rounded on him. ‘What?’

‘Nothing. There’s just definitely something there, after all. And you’re a man, you’re all growed up, it’s up to you what to do.’

Wash stopped, and York could practically see the cogs in his brain chuffing along at full speed. ‘You’ve talked to him?’

York flicked his eyes away for the shortest second, but it was enough.

‘York!’ Wash spluttered. ‘What’d you say?’

‘Calm down, Wash. He was watching you train, and Carolina was registered on after you, so I turned up early to keep an eye on her and ran into him. We just talked a little.’

‘About _what?’_

‘Well, that wouldn’t be very fun if I gave it away, would it?’

Wash buried his face into his hands and groaned. ‘I don’t know how you’ve survived through all the people that have _undoubtedly_ tried to kill you.’

‘Whatever do you mean?’

Wash sighed. ‘I hate you.’

York grinned smugly. ‘Yeah,’ It sounded like he was going to keep talking when he paused, and the way it suddenly fell silent caused Wash to raise his head in confusion. The look on York’s face set all Wash’s instincts to instantly approach DEFCON 1.

That look.

That fucking _look._

All of his teammates had a look for something. Carolina’s was fury, C.T’s was annoyance, Wyoming’s was a smug little twitch of the moustache when he felt he was better than everyone else here, and the look that was currently on York’s face had always, _always_ spelled trouble.

‘What?’ he demanded instantly, eyes narrowing. He was so focused on York’s stupid smug little mug that he didn’t notice anything that he perhaps should have going on behind him.

‘Well, it wouldn’t be fun for me to tell you. But why don’t you ask the man himself?’

Wash didn’t have time to spin around when North wrapped his arms loosely around his waist and moulded himself against him.

‘North.’ Wash managed, and York cracked himself laughing as Wash felt the blond haired man smile against his neck. Wash felt his hackles rise. ‘Look, if this is some stupid bet you can leave me well out of it-’

North’s unwrapped his arms to place his hands flat against Wash’s stomach, running his hands along above his belt before getting hold on his hips and spinning Wash around to face him. Wash let him, allowed himself to be turned until he could feel North’s breath on his face when he looked up. He breathed out and continued speaking.

‘Because I don’t really care, but I’m sure this is gunna end weirdly so for my sanity’s sake just please…’

‘Please what?’ North practically _purred,_ leaning in so he was a hairs inch off of Wash’s face. He realised York had stopped laughing. It was silent from the other side of the room. ‘I like it when you say please.’

‘Please…’ Wash tried again, and it was only once he realised he didn’t have anything to say after that, that it sounded like he was trying to, well, _please_ him.

The rest of the words got caught in his throat. The look on the older man’s face was promising all kinds of things, and Wash didn’t have time to pull himself together before North’s left hand skimmed across his torso and rested teasingly on the plane of his stomach, fingers just dipping under his belt.

Wash’s breath caught for a split second and he made to reply when he heard York re-enter, and he realised that he’d left sometime while Wash was… distracted. And York hadn’t returned alone. C.T, South and Wyoming had all followed him, clearly expecting something from the two, and when had Wash let himself get backed against the cabinet?

North had paused, too, turning to see who’d entered the room, and when he realised York had brought an audience for whatever was supposed to go down he simply chuckled and pulled away.

‘Not sure what the fuss is all about,’ he said, voice silky and innocence. ‘I was just having a bit of a chat with Wash.’

‘With your hands,’ joked York, who’d bypassed being bothered that his plan was foiled in favour of rubbing in the look of mortification that was settling quite nicely on Wash’s face.

North laughed again. ‘My hands are much more talkative,’ he said, and even though he was replying to York he was looking right at Wash, the words rolling from his lips as if they were a promise, and he beckoned to York to follow him before he left the room.

Wash shook his head. ‘I’m getting really tired of him just walking away.’

‘You’d prefer he do something else?’ C.T teased. South pulled a face.

Wash flushed scarlet. ‘Not what I was implying. But I’d like some answers, that’s for sure.’

South and C.T shared a look.

‘I’m sure you’ll get them.’ C.T promised, and she and South walked out. Wash blinked.

‘Have you got bets going on?’ he called after them, shoulders slumped.

Silence met his answer and he groaned. _That’s_ why York dragged them in.

And now they’d left Wash standing alone in the room wondering a multitude of things.

Like when C.T and South had started tolerating each other, for one thing. Or when everyone had decided to turn against him, for another.

Maine walked in and looked at him for a moment. Wash looked back, half expecting the massive agent to pull out a drum kit and serenade him with a solo.

‘Train?’ Maine offered instead.

‘God, yes.’

He was just happy to get some interaction with somebody who wasn’t determined to make his life even more of a confusing mess.

 

  
\----

‘Get up.’

‘Huh?’

‘You heard me, get the fuck up or I’ll-’

‘I’m up.’ Wash said immediately, throwing his covers aside and only managing to catch them and drag them back over himself with a yelp when he remembered he wasn’t actually decent under them.

‘Woah, tiger, don’t go throwing yourself at me. It’s my brother you want.’

The door slammed shut as Agent South Dakota left the room.

Wash grumbled under his breath as he grabbed clothes from the standard issue drawers, sighing the tiniest bit when he remembered he was on the training floor today, and exactly who he was on the training floor _with._

And _that_ earned a full out groan.

Well, it could be worse. It could have been with North himself. The sexual tension emanating from the older man was driving Wash crazy. The _last_ person he would have pegged for an insufferable tease would have been North, and yet, here they were.

Wash _still_ wasn’t entirely sure what was going on.

He groaned again and threw his door open, making his way down to what they’d affectionately nicknamed ‘Food Place’. Kitchen would be stretching it, and eating area was a bit over the top, since most of them wandered off once they had their food unless they had someone to eat with.

He could hear a mix of voices from where he stood, and he could practically _smell_ the insufferable annoyance he would have to face today mixed in with the delicious and nutritious UNSC supplied meal trays.

He shoved the door open, padded in, and promptly froze.

Everyone was in here. _Everybody._

York grinned at him from beside the counter and he could _feel_ the intensity of North’s stare burning itself into the side of his face.

‘Today’s going to be a good day, rookie.’ York declared, ambling over to give him a solid thump on the back.

‘Yeah,’ Wash sighed, ‘to die.’

‘Aw, don’t worry about it. I won’t mess you up _too_ bad.’

‘Please reserve the sexual innuendoes for those more deserving, York.’ Carolina said flatly. Wash breathed out a sigh of relief. ‘I’m sure Agent North has that covered.’

Wash just couldn’t.

He took some food and just walked out the door.

Might as well get warmed up for his ass kicking.

  
\----

 

‘Match concluded. Agent New York was victorious 2-1. Better luck next time, Agent Washington.’

F.I.L.S.S finished speaking as Wash all but collapsed onto his knees. He saw York move forward but he waved him off. ‘Just out of breath,’ he groaned, but accepted the hand offered to get back up.

‘Not as out of breath as you’ll be once North is finished with y-’

Wash didn’t feel bad for elbowing York. He didn’t feel bad for hitting him right in the solar plexus, and nor did he feel bad for completely winding the older agent. ‘Whoops.’ he said airily, but instead of taking his chance to escape he foolishly stayed there to pat York on the back and let him know he wasn’t really angry.

Alright, he was slightly annoyed.

That match had been everything he feared and more. Not only had York beaten him (although Wash had won in the second round), but every single thing he could have incorporated an innuendo into he had done so with. And then proceeded to link them all to North.

‘Ooh, on your knees already, rookie? I bet North’ll like that!’

‘Hey, don’t worry about it, blood’s not gunna be the only thing you’re spitting out if North has anything to do with it.’

‘Damn, Wash, going for the groin? Wash, please, I know I’m incredibly handsome, and North probably leaves some to be desired, but-’

That last one had been mercifully cut off by a successful and _satisfying_ kick exactly where he’d been aiming. Not as satisfying as if York hadn’t been wearing armour, but God had it felt good.

Wash realised that a few of the spectators had travelled down to the floor. He blinked as Carolina glared at him and realised she was scheduled on for next round.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, and dragged York off the training room floor. When Carolina didn’t do anything except glare at him some more, annoyed that she was forced to waste a few ever so precious seconds of her ever so precious time, he swivelled his head around to look for her opponent and saw Maine pulling his helmet on.

‘Good luck, Maine!’ he yelled, just to spite Carolina, and he could practically feel the confusion directed at him from the agent in question. He resigned himself to an ass kicking next time he versed Carolina with a sigh.

Worth it. He got his hits in where he could.

‘Earth to Wash. You alive in there, man?’

Wash realised he was being addressed, dragged his helmet off and groaned. ‘What?’

‘You alright, man?’ York’s voice was light but he could sense the concern laced in there.

‘Wow, is that actual concern from York?’ Wash joked, and the infiltrations specialist relaxed.

‘Yeah, once in a lifetime opportunity.’

‘Redeemable however I want?’ Wash tried.

York just blinked at him.

‘Remind me to cash that in later.’

They both paused, and a second later York started to laugh. ‘I’m so proud of you, Wash, making an innuendo! If only North was arou-’

‘Speak of the devil,’ Wash interrupted, gesturing towards the sharpshooter as they approached him. The older agent glanced up.

‘Are you influencing Wash with your questionable mindset and poor life choices?’ North said, smiling at them as they approached the rest of the spectators watching the match.

‘No,’ York denied immediately, and a second later his brain caught up. ‘Oh, actually, yeah.’

Wash snorted at the unlikelihood of that.

North shook his head. ‘How are you holding up, Wash?’ he questioned gently, turning to smile at the younger agent.

Wash _flushed._

There was no reasoning for it, no sense behind why it happened, but all of a sudden his cheeks were tinged scarlet red and the only thing that had happened was that _North_ had asked how he was.

And York, the insufferable asshole that he was, noticed. And he fucking _crowed._

‘North! Oh, my god, this is too good. Look at him! He’s bright red! He-’ York dissolved into laughter and unintelligible noises while Wash glared at him, hands curling unconsciously into fists as he weighed the pros and cons of punching York right in his smug face.

But then he caught North’s eye, and the look he was giving him, the one that was starting to become all too familiar, was accompanied by that same smile he’d seen the very first day by the counter. It made shiver’s rack through his body.

‘I’m sure you’ve just embarrassed him with your tasteless jokes.’

‘Oh, please, he loved them.’

‘You’ll corrupt his innocent mind.’

‘That’s your job.’

‘Corrupt me?’ Wash interrupted, and they both gave him a look with varying degrees of fondness.

‘Don’t worry, Wash. I’m sure he’ll go easy on you,’ York laughed.

That smile again. Slow, spreading across his face as his eyes watched Wash hungrily. ‘Oh, I’ll go easy on him.'

York grinned. ‘Alright, I’m a great wingman, it’s settled.’

‘Go easy on me.’ Wash repeated, frowning at the both of them. York stopped laughing.

‘Don’t worry,’ North said, and he reached out to trace the curve of Wash’s jaw with the back of his hand. ‘I’ll be gentle.’

Wash just blinked at him. He realised that although it wasn’t blatantly obvious, every eye in the room was on them, watching every movement.

‘Yeah,’ North practically purred, only an inch separating the two of them now, ‘I’ll go real slow.’

It clicked. With North only a few centimetres away from him, purring sweet promises in a low, husky tone, it clicked.

‘Wait a minute,’ Wash started, placing both hands on North’s chest and pushing him gently away, ‘Just how inexperienced do you think I am?’

Now all the eyes were obviously on him, and quite a few eyebrows were raised in surprise. North, for instance, looked particularly taken aback, but he quickly reigned in his expression and settled for simply raising an eyebrow, too.

‘What?’ Wash demanded, pulling his hands away from North’s chest and crossing his arms.

‘Uh,’ North started, and for once he was at a loss for words.

‘Are you serious?’ Wash blinked at him. ‘What, you think I’m some inexperienced-’

‘Well-’ North interrupted, but realised he didn’t have a plan for the rest of his sentence. ‘Not quite like that, per se, but-’

‘But you thought I’m totally clueless and have no idea?’

‘Now that’s-’

‘Come on,’ Wash interrupted, and he turned to face the room around him. ‘All of you? You all thought that?’

South was the first to find her voice. ‘You’re saying that you’re, what, super experienced? _’_

A few beats of silence and incredibly, Wash started to laugh. A full on laugh that had him bending over, clutching his stomach until he was wheezing for breath.

North was frowning at him in confusion, trying to come to terms with whatever was happening. South was just staring at him, annoyed that he hadn’t given her a proper answer. Wyoming was patient, waiting for Wash to compose himself, Carolina and Maine were still battling it out on the field beneath them and Florida was just smiling creepily at them all from where he perched in the corner.

Finally, Wash straightened, still trying to catch his breath.

‘Oh, man,’ he started, ‘this is good.’

‘What the fuck are you laughing about?’ South demanded, glaring at him.

‘You all,’ Wash took a moment to look specifically at North, ‘thought I was some clueless mansel in distress-’

‘Did he just say mansel?’ York whispered.

‘-and what, you wanted to swoop in and save me from my virginity?’

The last comment was directed again towards North, who had the decency to look slightly abashed.

‘Well, yeah.’ South stated, refusing to be backed down. ‘Well, not the fucking you part, but come on, rookie.’ 

Wash raised an eyebrow, challenging her to go on.

‘You’re not exactly the most confident kinda guy, Wash.’ York took over, sliding in before South said whatever was on the tip of her tongue.

‘Or the most approachable, lad,’ Wyoming added.

‘We figured you’re just easily embarrassed, maybe because you, y’know, didn’t have heaps of… experience.’ York finished, but he seemed less certain.

Wash understood. Totally. But _goddamn,_ it was funny.

‘So yeah,’ South finished, nodding, ‘Inexperienced and kind of a loser.’

He blew a deep breath out and ducked his head, trying to hide the smirk he could feel pulling at his lips.

_Inexperienced._

No, come on, he understood. Really.

They all thought he had no idea what to do when it came to the punch. They thought he was an inexperienced, clueless _kid,_ and they probably thought the whole North ordeal was the extent of his flirting experience.

He thought back to the times he’d blushed at innuendos, to the times he’d allowed North’s hands and words to linger on his body and mind without making a move back, to the times Wyoming and South would bring back endless streams of one nighters on the few times they’d had personal time, to the times that they’d crack jokes at his expense ‘ _Why didn’t you bring someone back, Wash?’_ and the fact they knew he didn’t have a partner and he kept telling himself that yeah, he totally understood.

But instead of sinking into a puddle of embarrassment, he was going to prove them wrong. And if North wanted to play with him, and he was serious about it, Wash would play right back.

To be fair, it had been a while since he’d got any, and if North was up for it…

He lifted his head. ‘South,’ he said, waiting until she looked at him, ‘I could take you to pieces.’

Wash heard a quiet intake of breath from behind him. North.

He immediately glanced back, well aware that North’s _protective streak_ probably hadn’t included the level of experience that Wash had under his belt. But the glance showed that the sharpshooter, despite being taken by surprise, _definitely_ liked where this was going.

‘That’s… a heavy statement, Wash,’ York said slowly, watching the younger agent.

‘Take me to pieces?’ South repeated, her lips curling around the words and offended at the prospect, but curiosity tinged her gaze. _Interest._ But Wash wasn’t thinking about making good on his word, not when he heard North’s breathing hitch a tiny bit just behind him.

‘Wash-’ York started, but Wash just looked at him, all barely concealed cockiness and curved lips hiding smirks.

‘And I could have you _begging.’_

York’s mouth closed with a softly audible snap.

‘You’re confident, there, lad.’ Wyoming stated, but put his hands up when Wash turned his gaze to him. He didn’t want any part of this. He had a self-preservation instinct, thank you very much.

Wash just grinned. ‘I think I have the means to back it up.’ And with that he turned around, back to face North so he could take in the way the older agent’s eyes were alight with a new kind of curiosity.

‘And if you want…’ Wash murmured, stepping up into North’s space and backing him the few short steps to the wall, ‘I’m _more_ than happy to prove it.’

North raised an eyebrow, but his gaze was fixed solidly on Wash’s and a smile was pulling at his lips. ‘You have my attention.’

Wash tried to mimic the look that North had given him, with the slightly narrowed eyes and the quirked smile, and by the way North’s throat bobbed when he swallowed hard, Wash had gotten it just right. ‘Oh, I think I’ve had it for a while.’

North’s eyes lit up and his gaze roamed shamelessly over Wash. ‘Yes,’ he said finally, but before he could really respond Wash backed him into the wall again, hands _casually_ on either side of him. It didn’t matter that Wash was smaller -the air of confidence rolling off him in waves and the smirk on his face more than made that fact irrelevant.

‘You like what you see?’ Wash teased, watching as North’s eyes travelled over the muscles in his arms, and Wash leaned further into his space to get North’s attention back, relishing in the way he automatically licked his lips.

‘Maybe,’ North replied slyly, rising to the challenge and refusing to back down. After all, _he_ had started this.

Who would have thought, the soft spoken agent with the _protective streak_ had a flare of dominance? But then, nobody thought _Wash_ had it in him either, and here he was pressing North to the wall.

As if North could read his mind, he smiled, and their wordless communication ended when he spoke.

‘I think I’d like you to show me more, Wash,’ North rumbled softly, words falling from his lips and dancing heavily in the air between them.

Wash smiled. That was exactly what he’d been waiting for.

That tiny step down. This was Wash’s game, now.

He stepped back from North and moved towards the doorway, jerking his head in an _Are you coming?_ gesture that had North moving forward in sure strides after him, taking the tension that had built so thickly in the air with them.

The closing of the automatic doors sounded so much louder in the silence they left behind.

South was staring after them, her mouth partly open, and next to her, York’s expression was identical. Florida remained silent in the corner, but he and Wyoming turned their focus back onto the ongoing match below.

South seemed to have finally been shocked into silence.

York pulled himself from his daze and started to laugh.

‘Oh, man,’ he said, gasping it out between laughter, ‘I think Wash is my new favourite person.’


End file.
